I know nobody really reads my crap so I'll just write whatever the friek is on my mind... I'm bored currently though I shouldn't be. I have a million things that I should be doing, but yea here I am sitting writing this stupid blog. So yep, you guessed it, this is my furlough week, my week off of work without pay, this really sucks. The writing is on the wall and my time is limited at The Star. As much hard work and dedication I have given to that company, I feel like they are shitting on me. McClatchy's mentality towards me and any other employee is that I should be thankful to have a job period. Honestly, I don't know any more, I'm certain my time is limited there, but for how long...? I guess I'm just pissed off at my current situation, of course I'm always angry about something, this is coming from the guy who has taken court ordered anger management classes. I can't complain about my life though, if you were to compare my life to the rest of the world, I am living as a god amongst the animals. But, my problem I guess is that I always thought that by the time I reached my current age of 37, I would have obtained much more success. I have achieved a lot more than most, however I'm better than that, I did things when I was 19 that most people could have never accomplished, though here I am.
Looking back, I have made a lot of stupid decisions. I would be a lot further along in my career path if I would have listened to Dad, I can finally admit it, but he was pretty much always right. The thing is, I had the notion that once I graduated college that the world would open up for me, and finding that dream job would be a piece of cake. Everything always came to me so easily before. I always slacked off in high school simply because it was so boring, and I thought it was cool to be apathetic, I never went above and beyond, and rose above the creme to allow myself to be noticed.
Now I feel as though I'm stuck in this rut, spinning my wheels, with everything I do seeming to be a waste of time, and not getting any further towards my goals and dreams in life. I guess I'm being negative, but hell sometimes the negativity in the world consumes me, and I can't filter it out quick enough...
It's funny, I always knew I was different, but some people think I'm a weirdo, and some whom used to be my friends, well won't return my calls, that kinda hurts. I know, I have done some things in the past that people didn't agree with, or things that people thought were immoral and just plain stupid, like smoking, but the thing is I've always been a good person, never done wrong to know one, paid my taxes, and always held a steady job, while paying my bills on time always. I think I visited room 237 one to many times, maybe that's why some people don't know how to take me.
I feel as though I'm lacking in many ways, I had a friend tell me I needed to reaffirm my relationship with God, but really how does one go about doing that, I mean do I sit and pray, or meditate for long periods of time. I find God in the kindness of others, when someone is kind or does something nice for me, I thank God for that special act of kindness.
For the naysayers, I am somewhat psychic, I had a business meeting with an extremely intelligent gentlemen a few weeks ago, and I kept picking up on this vibe that he viewed me as a complete idiot. Of course he did not present himself that way during our conversation, but it has made me hesitant to do business with him. The thing is I grew up poor, and compared to most of the kids growing up today that are Tech savvy and/or Internet savvy, I didn't have all this shit when I was growing up, I didn't have a fucking computer growing up. But, then there are people like my friend Paul that is way savvy on all kinds of Tech operandi, and he's way older than me, so maybe I am just an idiot...
I'm just venting if you are actually reading this. I don't have anything funny or cute to say, other than maybe I need to apply to be the village idiot. I'm sure I could support my family with that kind of pay and great benefits.
